lose your self|release your ego|become your self

 

jueng

jm

I just read a story in the newspaper about the largest snake that ever existed. Archeologists recently discovered a vertebrae of a snake existed a very long time ago that grew to 40 to 45 feet in length, weighed over 1 ton, and could devour a cow. One of the archeologists who made the discovery said the snake would probably have trouble getting through the door of his office, a good reference to how big the snake was. It is kind of like that with ego, the part of the human psychic anatomy that I call the “crawling king snake of ego.” Ego slithers, it inflates, it lies, it gives us a false-sense of our own meager self worth, on a very superficial level. It towers above us like some monument to our own existence. All in all, we have done one hell of a job with managing its power with all its implications. Ego leads us down the road of self-centered existence. We have started wars, ended wars, started more wars, killed, maimed, stolen, lied, cheated, and done just about every atrocity we have ever chronicled in the name of self-interest. Ego starts things as an idea, then evolves them into larger ideas that encompass masses of humanity, on one level or another. The blatant atrocity of the Nazis and Hitler started as an idea, a manifest of ego in the psychic anatomy of Adolph Hitler, that eventually spread into and involved the rest of the world. Global warming, or the destruction of the environment on a global scale is another manifestation of ego’s self-interested mechanics. All the causes, the cancers and illnesses and madness that are destroying the environment, and ultimately all life on earth, including those who started the process along in the first place, have started from the recesses of the egotistical needs of its perpetrators. You get the idea. Ego starts on a very personal level, and extends itself into the rest of the world.


The weird thing is that ego centered activity never seems to have to work very hard at getting what it wants. It just seems to be able to worm its way into the recesses and pathways that it needs to perpetuate its mostly negative existence. Ego has a direct passage into our lives. I have never been very good at following ego centered activities. Anything I have ever done along those lines has enabled me to easily get into some kind of trouble. I am not very good at it. If five people in a hurry in front of me in their cars run a stop sign, then I follow the action, I am the one who will get stopped by the policeman. That is just the way it is. If I do something selfish to fulfill some selfish need or want, I get into trouble; I don’t care what it is. I am the one who will get screwed while others walk free. It is has been that way as long as I can remember. It is as though all I can do is work hard at surviving without feeding my excesses; excess causes me pain, loss, discomfort, illness, money, dignity, and self-respect. I cannot feed my desires, my desires and feeding my desires will kill me.


The crawling king snake of ego, the 1 ton 45 foot long snake, all the same. they devour mankind, we devour ourselves we are devouring ourselves as a direct result of our ego- centered, self-serving actions. We have to survive, sure, but do we have to do it at the expense of our collective self-respect and dignity? I think not. I makes more sense to be more considerate of other beings here on earth. Why not think about how your actions will effect other people, instead of acting on an ego centered impulse? that is a good question. One that has always been at the center of my thinking, but a question that has taken me 58 years to answer. We are all still learning, at least I hope we are. I hope we are learning to consider what others need as much as we consider what we need. I hope we are learning to be more respecting of those things that give us a connection to other people and beings and organisms on a more positive level, instead of the destructive level that we have come to know and love. We love negativity and use it under the guise of “that which makes us feel good”, and we call it positive and good. It is a matter of loving others and all that is around us, at least as much as we love ourselves, then we can put things on an even keel. Instead, we continue to feed our frenzy of feel good activities because that is what we learn from the beginning, do what feels good, feed your own interests, and you will survive just fine.


Why is it though, that non-self-centered activities have such a hard time of taking a foothold in reality? Why is it so hard to become more caring and sensitive, and lose your selfish ego? Why are empathy, sympathy, and feeling becoming lost commodities? Real empathy and feeling, to the point of considering someone else first and yourself second, or even third. I got through 58 years and finally starting to realize and discover the things that will help me survive, the things that will get me through a few more years. I have never been good at ego, although I have kept pounding my head against the wall in an effort to be “a part of that which surrounds me” on its terms, instead of being true to the intricacies and things that enable me to get along, so I can be “a part of that which surrounds me” on my terms. It will take me where it takes me. You see, I have learned that trying to shape reality to fit my terms is a waste of time. The important thing is to be a part of all around me the way I have to be a part of it, instead of trying to whape things to fit my needs, wants, and desires. Lose and ego, gain a life.

Let Go Your Ego